Better Than Sex
"Is it supposed to look like that?" Heero asked, poking the offending object with his finger.
"Like what? And don't poke at it!" Duo said, snapping at Heero's hand.
"It has a lump," Heero said, as he tried to poke it again.
Duo looked at the pan before him. "It's just a hump. And don't poke it. I think it's supposed to look like that."
"I thought cake was supposed to be flat," Heero said, ignoring Duo and sticking his finger into the still-hot-from-the-oven cake.
"Heero! People have to eat that!" Duo protested as he pulled Heero's hand away.
"By people, you mean us. And you've had much more than my finger in your mouth, so I don't see what you're complaining about," Heero said, turning to the counter where the rest of the cake ingredients were set out.
Duo blushed and tried not to stammer. "Yes, well... you never know when we'll have company so...." He sighed and poked at the cake. "I don't think I'm cut out for baking."
"The butterscotch is next, right?" Heero asked, picking up the caramel-colored jar.
"Yeah, and the condensed milk. They get poured on top." Duo shuffled over to the pantry and opened it, shifting dry goods around in his search. "Crap. I hope we have some."
"Just pour the entire jar on top?" Heero asked from behind him.
"Yes... ah ha! Found you, you little bugger," Duo crowed, triumphantly pulling the can of sweetened condensed milk from the pantry. "Now, where's that can open... Heero! What are you doing!"
Heero froze like a Taurus spotting a Gundam. "What?"
"Not like that!" Duo hurried over and pulled the jar out of Heero's hand, cursing as the sticky butterscotch dripped onto the counter. "You have to poke holes in it first!"
"You told me not to poke it," Heero said, confused.
"Not with your finger, with the end of a wooden spoon." Duo wiped up the sticky mess as best he could and handed Heero the can of condensed milk. "Here. Find a can opener. Open that. I'll poke the holes."
As Heero busied himself with can opener search and rescue, Duo picked up the spoon he'd used to stir the batter and began to poke holes in the spongy chocolate cake. He frowned as he stuck the spoon in the middle of the rounded hump in the center of the cake.
"I'm not sure this cooked all the way through," he said, poking another hole.
Heero returned to his side, looking over his shoulder at the cake. "Should we stick it back in the oven?"
"Nah," Duo replied, tossing the spoon into the sink when he was done. "I don't want the edges to dry out. The middle might just be... a little gooey, is all."
"Now what? The butterscotch?"
"Yeah, and the milk. Find the can opener?"
Heero held up the open can of milk.
"Ok, um... let's finish pouring on the butterscotch, then you do the milk," Duo said, picking up the now-sticky jar and tipping it over the warm cake.
"Do you want me to spread it?" Heero asked, picking up the spoon.
"Yeah. It's not pouring very well."
They worked together to spread the butterscotch over the cake, though by the time they'd emptied the jar, Duo felt like they'd gotten half of it on themselves.
"You do the milk, I'm going to wash this crap off my hands," Duo said, moving to the sink, licking butterscotch off his hands.
Before Duo could turn on the water, Heero reached over and grabbed one of Duo's hands, bringing it to his lips and drawing one sticky finger into his mouth. Duo shivered as Heero's tongue licked the butterscotch away. "Uh..." For some reason, he couldn't form a coherent thought. Funny, that.
Heero let go of his hand. "I wanted a taste," he said by way of explanation before turning back to the cake to carefully pour the condensed milk over the top.
"Uh huh..." Duo somehow managed to pull himself together enough to turn the tap on and rinse the remaining butterscotch off his hands.
"Milk's on," Heero said from behind him. "What now? Do we frost it?"
Duo shook his head as he dried off his hands. "No, the frosting is whipped topping. The cake's too hot and it would make the topping melt. We have to put it in the fridge and let it cool for a couple of hours."
"You mean we can't eat this now?" The disappointed expression on Heero's face was priceless.
"No, but we can watch a movie or something while we wait." Duo had a sudden, overwhelming urge to hug his lover. "If you want, you can pound the toffee bars."
"Toffee?" Duo handed him three wrapped chocolate-covered toffee bars. "What are these for?"
"They go on top of the cake, after we frost it. But they have to be crushed first."
Heero's face lit up. "You mean..."
"Yes, dear. You get to use the mallet."
Like a little boy in a toy store, Heero eagerly opened the drawer containing cooking utensils and drew out a large, meat-tenderizing mallet. Duo just rolled his eyes and went for the cupboard containing the aspirin.
Later, after the cake had cooled, the topping applied and the chocolate-toffee powder had been sprinkled over the top, Duo poked at the smooshy mess of cake confection in his bowl with his fork.
"I wonder if I did something wrong. It didn't hold its consistency," he said, opting to exchange the fork for a spoon.
"It should taste the same," Heero said, shoveling a large bite into his mouth.
Duo took a smaller taste.
They looked at each other.
"Not bad," said Heero.
"It's... squishy," Duo replied, trying another bite. "But it's okay."
"Why do you seem so disappointed?" Heero seemed to be relishing his dessert with gusto.
Duo shrugged. "I guess I was just... expecting more."
"Well, it *is* called Better Than Sex Cake. I have great sex with you. So I thought this cake would simply be... phenomenal."
"And it didn't live up to its reputation?" Heero moved closer.
"Something like that," Duo said, stirring the gloopy mess around with his spoon.
"I think I know a way to make it better," Heero said, invading Duo's personal space.
"Huh? Hey!" Duo jumped as Heero dropped a big glob of cake on his collarbone. But before any of the dessert could slide down his shirt, Heero leaned over... and licked it off. Slowly.
"Oooh..." Duo replied, leaning his head back to give Heero better access. "This is better..."
Later still, after the dishes had been washed, the stained clothing put in the washing machine and bodies cleansed under a steamy shower, Duo lay ensconced on the couch with Heero, letting his still-damp hair dry loosely over the top of them.
"That was fun," he said, grinning and tracing invisible patterns along Heero's bare chest.
"Ah. But I think we should rename it," Heero replied.
"Since nothing could ever be better than sex with you, I think we should call it Have Better Sex Cake."
Duo laughed. "Sounds good. And I think I'm hungry for another piece. That is, if you think you can eat it out of the bowl this time instead of licking it off me."
Heero looked at him for a moment. "I think I'd better lay some plastic down."
There are many different versions of Better Than Sex Cake. This is the kind I make, and it is pretty tasty (though I seriously doubt it's better than 1x2 sex). ^_^
Better Than Sex Cake
1 box chocolate cake mix (plus the ingredients for the mix)
1 can Eagle Brand milk
1 sm. jar butterscotch ice cream topping (caramel works, too, but I like butterscotch better)
1 container Cool Whip
3 Heath bars
Bake cake according to directions on box. Let cake cool slightly and poke holes in top of cake. Pour milk over cake. Spread butterscotch topping over milk, making sure topping goes down into holes. Chill for 2 hours (better if chilled overnight), then spread with Cool Whip. Chop Heath bars and sprinkle on top of cake. Keep refrigerated.