by Blue Soaring
desperate and ravenous
so weak and powerless
All I had done was look up. Such a simple little thing - how many times a day do you just glance up from whatever you're doing, or look around at nothing in particular, and it makes no difference at all. But that night, when I did, everything changed. I changed.
It was his eyes.
I remember impossible blue. Dark like the midnight city-dwellers can't imagine or ever see. I was on my feet, walking across the crowded room to him, and I couldn't remember standing. He was watching me, and I never wanted him to look away. I couldn't see anything but his eyes, so many shades of blue. Everyone else was nothing more than a shadow to me. The air was thick, heavy and full of the shadows, but all I saw was light catch that blue and make his eyes glow like eyes were never meant to.
Hands touched me, drew me between him and another man. My mind was slow and lazy, but I knew his name. I recognized the colour of Heero's eyes even though they seemed different from my memory. Darker now, with foreign heat. They held the same glow of the other's; greyer, darker, but still the same. I think I realised then that the light was their own. I was beyond caring.
I felt the weight in his eyes, the unmistakeable desire. Trapped between them, I could feel a need pressing against my skin. One that filled the air until I breathed it in and it fought to be released. It was a need for me. I was wanted, and with such intensity that it was like something alive.
It whispered like the devil in my ear, tempting and seductive and strong. I reached for Heero even as the other man slipped hands under my clothes to stroke fire along my skin. I leaned back against him, let him touch me as he liked. Not once did I think of protesting. I wouldn't have been able to if I had.
I heard them speaking to me. What they said I'll never be sure of, but I agreed. Almost mindlessly, I agreed. My skin tingled where their hands had been, and I would have given them anything in that moment, as long as they didn't stop touching me.
He told me his name was Duo as he drew me away, those words I clearly heard. And when Heero followed, a sound like a growl on his lips, I remember the shock, the perfect flash of something dark and tasting of the forbidden curl deep inside me when his fingers closed around my wrist. It echoed through my mind, caught me up in a web of sensation, silken and sharp, and held me there. Trapped by my own need, as well as theirs. I was afraid of the strength of it, and fear made it that much stronger.
Still hot, a deeper darkness. I was pinned between them, Heero's body pressed to mine pushing me back against Duo. I watched Heero, unable to tear my gaze away and not bothering to try. Music pounded like my heart, my pulse racing and frantic. I had no idea what was going to happen, but I wanted it. I wanted it as badly as they did; a circle of need and want that did nothing but continue to build.
I clung to Heero, tried to draw him closer to me, greedy for more. More pleasure to slake the need. It was a hunger, and I had to feed it. I know now it was their hunger I felt, but I willingly took it and made it mine. I grabbed for it like someone deprived; already addicted.
He was firm, solid against me. A long line of endless heat that mirrored the pressure of Duo pressed to my back. A hand gripped my hair, another touched, another stroked. I couldn't separate one sensation from the next or from the one before. Lips pressed to my neck, caressed and teased with sharp teeth and sudden pressure that built, pooled low in my body and built again. Fixed forever in my memory is the matchless ecstasy I felt when fang first pierced my skin, sank into my body. It rolled over me, stole my breath and my mind until desperate and ravenous, I struggled between them, seeking only one thing. I wanted more, and it was given to me.
I tasted their power, felt it rise and break over me as I came. The only word that can describe what I felt is power. Heero drank my life, took blood and replaced it with something so much more. He filled me with electric pleasure, poured it into me until my skin tingled with it, felt tight and too small to hold anything more. My vision was eaten away by it, and I felt them leave me until all that remained was an echo. In the blackness immediately after, I still saw his eyes, burning with darkness and fire. And every night as I closed my eyes, I saw it again.
There are more holes in my memory; it jumps forward like an old movie, jerky motion from scene to scene with nothing in the middle. I remember going back to the Riverside, night after night, madly seeking another taste. Days passed, and I never found it. I tried to satisfy the new hunger they had awoken with sex; took women and men to my bed and tried to fuck away the memory. All in vain. Nothing could ever equal the taste of pure power I'd felt that night. What I wanted, urgently needed, was more of the same.
The thin sheet is cool against my bare skin, my blood racing hot through my veins as it always does when they touch me. The curtains in front of the open window flutter with the warm breeze, let in slivers of light that contrast with the darkness surrounding me. Duo cradles me against his chest, his head bent and lips caressing my neck, caressing the wound he's given me. Heero's mouth is pressed to its twin, his tongue flicking over the tender skin at the crook of my elbow, my hand buried in his hair. My lungs ache as I pant for breath, labour to breathe through the pleasure that threatens to drown me.
I know what's happening to me. I feed their hunger as they feed mine, but it grows. It's never satisfied. I crave it, yearn for their touch and their power. My mind is forever filled with them; while awake, while sleeping. I lost myself in their touch, damned myself to endless craving and will never fight my way free of them.
I don't want to be saved.