Breaking it Down
Heero shook the rain from his hair as he entered his apartment complex. Mrs. Harrison might not like it when the residents messed up the small entranceway, but Heero hated it when his hair was wet.
Classes today had been draining. It had been the sort of day when nothing exciting was happening, and so the effort to stay awake was more tiring than if he’d had pop quizzes in every class.
He glared at his mailbox as he shoved the key in to open it. He did not want there to be bills. He did want there to be something entertaining. That was the way it should be.
He blinked twice when he pulled out the mail. Two bills, and a box from Supermax Unlimited.
Smirking, he bounded up the stairs with more than a little bounce in his step.
He tossed his book bag and the rest of his mail aside and booted up his computer. Impatiently waiting as the system loaded up, he ripped open the box, pulling out the latest disk.
Supermax Unlimited was a highly specialized entertainment distribution company that catered to the tastes of their customers with unerring dedication. It was the only porn distributor Heero bought disks from anymore. From their website, he was able to specify exactly what he wanted, and they would alert him when a match became available. It definitely cut down on the amount of money he spent on porn.
He loaded the disk in the tray, and let the player program start up automatically. His fingers tapped lightly on the keys impatiently, trying to will the computer to move faster. When the opening credits started to scroll, he started skipping through. On the back of the dvd, he could see that there was supposed to be fifteen different scenes, each featuring hot, randy men ready for fun and action. The first boy was a blonde with shoulder-length hair, the second had short red hair, the third had shaggy black hair, the fourth had a buzz cut, the fifth had short, styled hair, the sixth had shoulder-length reddish-brown hair, and the seventh was shaved bald.
The eighth had waist-long honey-colored hair and a willowy frame. Perfect.
Heero marked the time indices for the beginning and the end of the eighth man, and began to download it onto his hard drive.
His toes were tingling with the excitement of another project. College was, for the most part, fairly boring. There wasn’t much information in any of his classes that he wasn’t already aware of, and the challenges of classes and college life were tame in comparison to the war, and his childhood. It was… relaxing, not to have to worry about anything more stressful than the normal concerns of a college student, and his own personal pursuits; however, he found that the more he threw himself into his pursuits, the better he felt.
He needed the challenge. He needed the feeling of accomplishment. He needed to feel the drive to a goal.
He needed to understand.
Once he had finished the download, and he had saved it, and backed it up, he started the laborious process of setting the motion capture cues. It was a program he had designed himself. It worked like any motion capture animation program, but it got the model for the motion from an image in a movie, rather than from a person. Once he had the model for the motion, he could build a frame around it and ‘paint’ it with the skin he designed himself. This way, he could make a movie from almost anything of whomever he wanted.
There had been no pictures during the war, no memoirs of any kind, but Heero remembered perfectly. He could still see, as if he were in the plane flying to New Edwards, the exact expression on Duo’s face when he looked to the stars and smiled. That expression, the color of his eyes, the tint of his skin, the way his hair fell over his face, every detail was permanently sealed in Heero’s mind where he could pull it out and examine it over and over again, puzzling over the curve of Duo’s lips or the way his chin was tilted up. His mind was half occupied with marking the motion capture points, and half occupied with imagining what the movie was going to look like with Duo as the young, randy boy on the bed, masturbating for the voyeur’s pleasure.
The phone rang, and he ignored it. His fingers danced over the keys haphazardly, and his leg was bouncing. His blood seemed to tingle in his veins, and he found his face surprisingly relaxed, almost smiling.
He had quite a collection of computer-drawn Duos. At first, he just tried to recreate the image of Duo. He had dozens of disks with pictures he had made from his memories. But after a while, those images seemed too static. They just didn’t remind him of Duo anymore.
Then, he saw a movie, and there was a scene where the man was making hot chocolate for his daughter and talking, and Heero thought, Duo would do that. He would talk like that, and move like that…
It had taken him nearly fifteen months to perfect the programs and processes, but he finally got it to the point where most people couldn’t tell the difference between his movies and movies using real people.
None of them were perfectly Duo, though.
He cricked his neck, briefly considered taking a break to eat, and continued to type.
Sometimes, he felt a little embarrassed that he hadn’t really ‘discovered’ porn until he was nineteen, but in the end, it was all the same. He saw some porn in a hotel while on vacation in Cairo. The last person who stayed in the room must have ordered the all day porn, and it hadn’t been turned off when he got into the room.
It had utterly repulsed him, so naturally he had embarked on a thorough study of the genre.
Even when he was disgusted, though, he couldn’t help mentally replacing one of the men with Duo. The idea of Duo naked… Sadly, it was the first time he had thought of it.
Heero pulled his fingers off the keyboard, and cracked his knuckles. It was pitch black outside, and the apartment was dark and shadowy. The clock on the other side of the bed said 3:25. Heero had been working for nine and a half hours now. Standing up, he stretched out his whole body. Spending so much time on the scene had an effect on him; his jeans were tight and moving around was a little uncomfortable, but he didn’t bother to do anything about that yet. He walked to the kitchen and poured himself a glass of water.
He could see the whole scene play out with Duo in it already. In his mind, it was perfect. Duo was wearing an oversized oxford shirt, open, sitting on a futon with a Japanese screen behind him. He would be shy and coy at first, blushing as Heero’s voice asked him some questions about his body and where he liked to be touched. Then, he would get defiant and bold. With that cheeky smile plastered over his face, he would lean back and spread his legs out, appearing to rest comfortably. His shirt would open a little, and his genitals would be exposed. He’d run his fingers up and down his chest, his blue/violet eyes twinkling as he watched his unseen observer, winking just as his fingers got to the brown curls just over his cock. Then, he would pull his braid out over his chest.
He’d finger the plait, and play with the end, teasing the tip of his cock with it, then he would pull off the band. Unraveling the braid with deliberate care, his eyes teasing the observer, his tongue would slip out and he would lick his lips, once, twice, and then, again…
Once his hair was completely down, he would let the shirt slip off his shoulders, and then he would toss it aside. Duo and his hair, all of his hair, falling in waves because it had been in the braid his whole life, catching the light at weird angles and tumbling in chunks to conceal enticingly Duo’s flesh…
The camera would spin as Duo lay back, one leg crooked up. His left hand would go between his legs, playing with his balls, and rubbing his cock and his thighs, while the right hand stayed up to play with his nipples, which were so full and hot they nearly begged to be sucked and bit, and to play with his hair.
He would be gasping for air as both hands grasped his cock. There would be chunks of hair in between the fingers of his right hand, and the hair would get twisted around his cock so that it was like chestnut ribbons teasing and pleasing him. His head would be thrown all the way back so that his slim, beautiful neck would be fully exposed, as if he were trying to tempt a vampire to live off his blood.
His legs would spread out farther and farther, until finally he was so exposed, he would have nothing left to hide. His eyes would open just a little, just a bit, just enough to sarcastically ask the observer if he was *sure* he wanted to stay on the sidelines.
Then, the climax. It would go fast and hard, and Duo would scream just a little, but like he was trying not to scream, like he was screaming in his throat.
Heero found himself in the real world again, clutching the counter with one hand, his back painfully pressed against the edge, and gripping his now spent cock in the other hand.
His lips twitched into a scowl. He was going to wait until the weekend to do the laundry, but that wasn’t an option now.
He poured the rest of his water down his chest and into his pants, and toweled himself off. He took precisely long enough to pull off his pants and boxers and put on new boxers, and then he sat down again.
He was almost done with the motion capture points. Then, the program would need to run, probably most of the daylight hours, and then he could start to put Duo in the scene.
He remembered one time, when he and Duo shared a motel room. It had been between the wars, when they had run into each other ‘decommissioning’ a mobile suit factory. That night, they had shared a room together, and the next day Duo went back into space to join Quatre and Trowa, and he had gone to Europe to follow some rumors.
They had turned on some late night cable, and found a reality show with people discussing their sex lives frankly. Heero had been amused by it in some strange way, thinking that it was weird to see people being so raw and unconstrained. Duo had gotten embarrassed, and quickly changed the channels.
Heero then needed to tease Duo about being a prude, which quickly segued into a discussion about sexual innuendo. Heero remembered it particularly, because at the end, Duo got up to use the bathroom, shaking his head. He said, half muttering under his breath, “Sometimes, Yuy, you make me feel like a pedophile.”
At the time, Heero hadn’t known what Duo meant, and had resented a little that a boy the same age as him would imply… well, what he implied, which Heero wasn’t, at the time, completely sure of, but still.
He wondered what Duo would think now, to see Heero pouring over porn with such… intensity.
Well, after he had recovered from the gross-invasion-of-his-privacy issue.
“So, you’ve finally left the apartment, huh?” A tray of food dropped on the table in front of him, but his eyes only barely looked up.
“Hmph.” Heero continued to wolf down his sandwich, apparently disinterested in his new companion.
“Well, it’s good to air yourself out from time to time.” Lynn sniffed disgustedly in the general area of Heero. “You need that, you know.”
“Funny.” Heero moved on to the plate of carrots and celery, swallowing them in two bites each.
“So how are you doing in diff eqs? I think I’m making headway in the final project, but I’m still not convinced I can finish it in two weeks. I think some serious group study time is required.” Lynn started on her salad primly. She was even worse than Relena, in Heero’s eyes. She was always so neat and tidy, even was she was sitting on the floor riffling through hundreds of study pages. He wanted to mess up her hair badly.
He had also forgotten entirely about the diff eqs project. Damn it… “It’s going well.”
She eyed him carefully as she raised a fork filled with a modest amount of perfectly arranged salad. “You’ve completely forgotten it, haven’t you? I bet you haven’t done anything for weeks. Honestly! Once you get going on these ‘projects’ of yours…”
“Oh, yes, you and your priorities, Yuy. You know what the really maddening thing is?” She waited until he actually raised his eyes to look at her. “I bet you’ll still get the highest grade in class.”
He smirked, bowing his head in a futile attempt to hide his expression from her.
She scowled, stabbing her salad vigorously. A wicked idea crossed her mind. Smiling as she looked at Heero from the corner of her eyes, “Hey, Heero, when you’re done with you little home movie, can I see it?”
“No.” He spoke firmly, unwrapping his nutrition bar.
“Please?” She batted her eyelashes at him. “I’ve been a good girl…”
Heero snorted in disbelief. “No.”
“You’re no fun,” she pouted.
Heero smirked as a he piled up all his trash. “See you in class, Lynn.”
He should be thinking about his diff eqs project. His classes. His bills.
He still had about a week’s worth of work on the latest video. He could no longer see it as a whole, he had been so occupied with the components. He had finished cleaning up Duo’s hair that morning, and he was exhausted still. The hair was the hardest part. In the braid, Heero could model the movement and color easily, but he wanted to see the hair down. All that hair was hard to model; there was too much chaotic behavior to properly visualize it. That’s why he needed a longhaired model to work with, but painting each strand, getting the color right and the length, and the weight…
Heero damn near walked right into the door thinking about Duo’s hair. He didn’t like to call himself obsessed, but it was hard to deny at some point. He had never touched Duo’s hair, and the thought of it nearly drove him mad with *need*. How could he live the rest of his life without knowing for a fact whether of not Duo’s hair was soft, or whether it was thick and heavy or smooth and thin, or whether it had a certain odor or whether it felt good wrapped around his cock as he…
He shook his head, firmly shoving the thought out of his mind. He needed to get to work.
He needed to get to work on background lighting.
He tapped his foot impatiently during the whole train ride, which would have gotten him some flack from his fellow passengers if he wasn’t so damned intense-looking all the time. He passed one person after another as he sped home, using his elbows only when absolutely necessary. He nearly broke the key off in the door as he twisted it, and he didn’t even bother to check his mail.
He should have done a lot better on his finals. He knew that, and his professors knew that, but he, unlike them, didn’t care. He did well enough, and that was all that mattered.
Last night, he had finished his movie.
He actually threw his bag across the room, too excited to even care about where it fell. He had plans for the night.
First, he was going to make something simple, some rice and maybe some steamed vegetables. Perhaps some shrimp. Then, while that was cooking, he would close the blinds, and change clothes. There were those silky pajama bottoms that he’d gotten for his ‘birthday’ as a joke. He turned the lights off, lit a few candles, put his meal on the coffee table, and sat on the floor.
While he was eating, he started out with a ‘photo’ montage dvd that he had made of Duo. Duo’s face as he looked up to the moon was seen from several different angles, as well as Duo’s face when he saved Relena, Duo from behind, Duo in the Oz cell, bleeding on the floor, Duo when he was in battle, Duo sleeping, Duo smiling at Trowa, Duo rolling his eyes, Duo when Heero had made a joke, Duo when Heero hit him…
He set aside his bowl, and ejected the disk. Time for the main event.
He felt his nerves jangling as he slipped the disk into the player. He couldn’t say exactly why he was so nervous, and that made him annoyed. He sat on the floor, his back against the couch, and had to steady his fingers as he hit the right buttons.
He felt silly, and childish, but he couldn’t stop smiling just a little. Duo was going to masturbate for his pleasure…
The music started before the video. It was some generic techno beat that Heero had decided that he liked well enough to do the job. The picture seemed to fade gently into focus. The sight made Heero’s heart leap in his chest, and he immediately started to tweak his nipples. Just seeing all the pictures he had made of Duo had been enough to get his blood pounding through his veins, and now Duo was sitting on a futon, toying with the corner of a pillow wearing an oversized oxford shirt, his braid streaming down his back, his eyes mostly shut as the slightest of blushes stained his cheeks.
It was with a great deal of pride that Heero noted the slightly frayed corner of the shirt’s collar; his favorite oxford shirt was worn out just like that.
His voice came from off-camera, and Heero could easily imagine that he was behind the camera, filming his lover. The very thought… sleeping next to Duo, touching him, kissing him, fucking him…
He had tried, once, to turn a porn scene between two guys into something with Duo, but he couldn’t bear to watch anyone else touch Duo. But filming him touching himself…
One hand slipped down, and his thumb caressed the skin over his belly and his fingers dipped inside his pajamas.
Duo was blushing even harder, and trying to hide his body, lifting his leg up and turning a little. Heero’s voice teased him, and then Duo got that bold look in his eyes, like he was going to meet the challenge before him or die trying. His chin jutted up, and he winked, his lips curling in a knowing smile. Slowly, he let one side of the shirt slide down, leaving his shoulder and some chest bare.
Heero panted, his eyes wide and his mouth open as he watched, his hand plunging down eagerly.
Duo moaned as his neck stretched, and his legs opened up completely. Heero felt his mouth go dry as his voice purred softly, asking Duo to show him more. Duo winked saucily, rolling his shoulders as he ran one hand through his bangs, before pulling his braid forward.
Heero’s heart was pumping uncomfortably as he watched the chestnut plait fall from Duo’s fingers to his chest, the end nearly meeting the curls at his crotch. Heero picked up his cock gently, holding it at the base so that he could feel the vein throbbing in the palm of his hand.
Duo then decided to stretch out, his hands and feet spreading to the four corners of the futon, his neck lolling back. When he relaxed again, he slipped the shirt off, smelling it briefly before tossing it away.
Heero smirked as he gripped his cock at the base. He had added that small touch himself.
Duo slipped the tie off the end of the braid slowly, untangling the strands seductively before spontaneously flipping the unbound mass of hair around, letting it fall haphazardly over his body. His eyes drooped sleepily as he relaxed against the futon, spreading his legs out as far as he could. Heero’s voice asked him to touch himself, and Duo smiled seductively. His fingers went first to his nipples, playing with them and pinching, his legs squirming around as if possessed by the spirit of the snake. He picked up a strand of hair, and started to tease his left nipple with it, wetting it sloppily occasionally. His left hand then went to trace patterns over his stomach, tickling himself as he went, and swirling around his navel. Both hands went between his legs, teasing his inner thighs.
Heero was panting, practically drooling puddles. Both of his hands were in his pants, and he felt like the world was black and red, the screen the only focal point. His cock was thick and hot, burning his hands, the friction and heat only barely reminding him to squirt out some lotion as he rubbed himself.
Duo fingers were now twirling in the curls at the base of his cock, ticking and pulling at the strands of coarse hair. He moaned as his fingers traced up the vein of his cock, sighing loudly as played with the tip, touching the slit and spreading the precum around. He began to moan in earnest, sounding very much like a porn star as he wrapped his long fingers around his dick, slowly milking it as his other hand toyed and gripped his balls.
Heero fiercely grabbed the base of his cock, holding off his orgasm until later.
Duo smiled and winked at the camera, rolling his head around so that his hair spilled over his shoulder. He sat up sinuously, pushing his butt forward at the same time. He took some of the hair, and wrapped it around his fingers, then wrapped his hand around his dick. The other hand migrated from his balls to his anus, teasing and enticing, keeping him moaning and achingly hard…
and so beautiful, gods, Duo was beautiful, with his perfect hair and his perfect, slim body, and his eyes, and his voice…
he was moaning, moaning hard, perfectly in time with the music, the subtle background lighting catching his hair perfectly, highlighting the strands so that it looked like cinnamon and brown sugar…
and Duo kept moaning, belly-deep sounds that spiked as his hand reached the tip, twisted, and slid back down to the base, a rhythm that built up and then slowed, several times, until a layer of sweat dressed his torso perfectly, the light catching the drops congregated on his pert nipples perfectly…
And Heero, holding his dick in his two hands, felt a cool wave pour over him as the perfection of the scene before him made it startlingly clear that it wasn’t Duo he was watching.
Not Duo, moaning as he brought both hands to his cock. Not Duo, rubbing his fire-hot cock in time with the music. Not Duo, thrusting his hips up wantonly as the heat and the fire building in him took away the last blockades of inhibition. Not Duo, screaming like a cheap whore as he came all over his chest.
Just some porn star digitally dressed as Duo for Heero’s sick pleasure.
With disgust, he got up, flicking off the screen as he headed to the bathroom. He ripped the pajama pants off in one swift motion, and turned the shower on violently. The cold water took away the sweat he had built up, and Heero squeezed his eyes shut, his hands in fists at his sides, his teeth clenched, as he repeated it over and over in his head.
Not Duo Not Duo Not Duo Not Duo Not Duo Not Duo Not Duo…
It made a difference. He didn’t know what Duo looked like when he was getting ready climax, didn’t know how much noise he made or if he moaned like that or where he liked to be touched or where he was ticklish or how sensitive his balls were or if he liked anal sex at all or if he talked trash or if he…
Heero’s eyes opened slowly, of their own volition. The cold water was streaming down his back, going through his hair and over his face. He felt his heart thudding duly in his chest.
He didn’t know what Duo’s skin felt like. He had never even touched his hand. They had never shook hands. Duo offered once, but…
Heero’s eyes went blank. Duo’s hair… What did it feel like? Was it soft? Did it smell like something musky, or like shampoo, or what? Would Duo let his lover unravel it, play with it as they made love? Would Duo’s kisses taste like raw heat, like spicy thai food, like cinnamon? Would Duo be ravenous in bed, would he like to be held, would he want to shower right after or would he fall right to sleep?
Heero could see those purple-blue eyes in front of him now. He could feel Duo’s smile. There were so many times when he had watched Duo carefully, memorizing the way the other boy moved or the sound of his voice or the way that he ate, but he never said anything. Not much, at any rate, nothing important. Did Duo know that years later, Heero was still obsessing over the way Duo held a pencil in class, or the way he walked, or the thousands of different smiles that Duo wore when he didn’t want people to know what he was feeling? Did Duo know that he was the person Heero most wanted to emulate in life?
Would he even care, now that so many years had passed?
Was he happily married, maybe to Hilde? Heero could find out easily enough, but even though he could spend weeks digitally creating Duo-porn, he didn’t have the nerve to look him up. What if he was married? Would he have tons of adopted kids, crawling all over him like some mad zoo? Would he have a regular job, or something more like the renegade image Heero had of Duo? Would he have pets?
Would Duo be mad to know the Heero dreamed of him? Dreamed of his slim body, and his mouth, and his knowing eyes, and his misleading smiles and jokes, and his sharp wit? Dreamed of touching him, and being touched, of running his fingers through the hair, of knowing the secrets behind Duo’s maturity, of holding him as he slept?
Of waking up to sleepy purple-blue eyes, teasing him with their sensuality? Of having his hands on Duo’s waist, of touching his nipples, of knowing Duo’s body better than his own…
Of taking him, gently in the afternoon, or hard and fast in the morning, or playing kinky games at night… Of making breakfast with Duo when they were done, getting upset when Duo decided to eat off of his plate…
Of touching Duo’s neck, kissing him as his fingertips reached into Duo’s hair, of kissing his jaw, his neck, down his chest…
Tasting his skin as his mouth went down, tasting his nipples and his bellybutton… Burrowing his nose in Duo’s groin, sucking gently on the tip as his fingers probed his ass, until finally taking Duo’s penis into his mouth, sucking hard on the hot organ, letting Duo’s hair fall all around him, as if he were lost in the strands, unable to see anything more than the flesh in front of him, until, finally, Duo couldn’t hold out any more and then…
The tiles came into focus as Heero panted. The fingers of his right hand were splayed out over the aqua squares, as his right hand held his spent dick carelessly. He was aware that he was cold, and he watched the line of white, sticky fluid sluice down as the water diluted it and drained it. He concentrated on evening out his breathing, and turned the water off. Toweling off as he walked out of the bathroom, he paused only momentarily before the dvd player to eject the disk.
It was a disappointment, but when the memory faded a bit, he could still be proud of the graphic work he had done. It really had *looked* great.
After extinguishing the candles, he fell into bed naked. Tossing around before finding the right position, Heero sighed. Closing his eyes, he started the mental exercises necessary to start a good night’s sleep.
He could then dream that he wasn’t alone, and that his nose was buried in chestnut hair.