4th of July, AC 196
I think I managed to get him contented with me once again.... But lately Duo has been brooding a lot.... And he often looks wistful when he speaks about her.....
After Colony 196
Middle of July
"Good morning, Duo."
"Morning, Howard." Duo waved and proceeded to enter his small office where his staff was busy typing and negotiating with clients. He went straight to his desk and plopped down on his chair, sighing heavily. It had almost been two weeks since he began to be aware of his own feelings. He felt strongly attracted to Hilde. The girl was amusing him and eliciting some sort of pride mixed with protectiveness when he walked with her. After all it was a man's duty to help and protect a woman. And Hilde was the suitable woman to be protected. There was a fire that flared inside him every time the girl looked at him adoringly. With Hilde, he felt like a real man. Not to mention the soft curves of her body, the delicate breasts, and the way she walked, all aroused him and made him curious. It had been long time since he had had sex with a female.
Duo sighed again and tilted his head back, staring at the ceiling. Heero was very different from Hilde. Heero didn't need his protection. The boy was stronger than him and so independent. Duo liked having Heero around when he came home. The boy had gone through the same ordeal as him if not worse and that made them understand each other. With Heero, he didn't have to worry about saying something.. everything... Duo sighed again, not knowing what to do about his situation. One thing he surely knew was that he couldn't keep going like this, torn between Hilde and Heero. He would have to choose one of them eventually.
"You look like you're having hard time."
Duo jumped at the voice. Tilting his head back to the right angle, Duo saw the boy with messy hair standing next to him. "Heero!!" He jumped off the chair and stood up. "Why are you here?"
"You forgot your contract papers." Heero held up a familiar folder.
"Oh, yeah. Thanks." Duo grinned sheepishly while inside he cursed himself for forgetting such important papers. He took the folder from Heero and put it down on his desk. Suddenly he noticed that he hadn't heard any typing after he had acknowledged Heero. He looked up and saw that his staff was watching them. Some, females especially, were looking at Heero in awe while others were looking at both of them in curiosity.
Feeling uncomfortable, Duo waved his hand dismissively. "Hey, this is not a show. Go back to work" At his order, the typing sounds continued. Duo sat down and leaned against his chair. He gazed up and saw Heero looking around the office. He was thankful to Heero for bringing the papers, but he didn't want his staff getting curious and start gossiping about him. The best way was to send Heero home immediately. "I still have work to do. Do you still have something to say, Heero?"
The Japanese boy jerked slightly and looked down at him. Duo could see something flash in those Prussian blue eyes and then disappear before he could recognize it. "I'll go home." Heero spoke flatly and went out as swiftly as he entered. Duo just stared at his retreating back, suddenly feeling very guilty. It was stupid of him to think he could fool Heero. The Japanese boy understood him more than he thought.
13th of July, AC 196
It seems something has been troubling Duo. He is not very cheerful anymore and he still likes to brood. He even forgot to take his important papers to work today.
Ne Odin, I found out today that he doesn't want me in his office.... Duo is ashamed of me.......
Is this the reason for his problem? Am I a nuisance for him now, Odin?
I thought I had managed to keep him content with me but it seems I haven't. Does he think I'm boring? Does he think of leaving me? I have to try harder to make him stay with me... but how?
No one ever taught me about this. Not you, not Dr. J.....
I don't know what to do.....
I don't know how to make him satisfied with me.....
What should I do? .... I really don't wanna lose Duo, Odin....
The Japanese boy jerked up at the voice. He quickly shoved the blue book into the drawer and locked it up before going out of the bedroom to greet his lover. "Okaeri. You're home early today."
Duo looked at the clock and winced. 07:00 PM and Heero said it was early. It looked like he had neglected his Japanese lover. He leant forward and kissed the Japanese boy gently and softly, asking for forgiveness.
Heero's eyes widened slightly before sliding shut; his body relaxed and melted when Duo hugged him. The obvious surrender flared Duo's passion and he forgot everything else but Heero. A few more kisses, some tugs and some pushes, soon they were naked on the bed. Duo pushed Heero down to sheath him while the Japanese boy arched his back and threw his head back. The wanton display drove Duo wilder and after a couple of thrusts, he filled Heero with his release. Heero also cried out his release and then they fell on the bed in tangles of limbs, waiting for their breath to come steady once again.
Duo kissed Heero's forehead and caressed the messy hair. "I'm sorry about this morning, Heero."
Duo smiled and hugged the Japanese boy tighter. It was a good thing that Heero wasn't angry with him. He should have known that Heero was not the one to hold a grudge. As long as he spoke to Heero calmly and reasonably, Heero would understand and accept it without making a fuss about it.
After Colony 196
End of July
The Japanese boy pushed the answering button on the video phone. "Heero Yuy."
"Hello Yuy." A young girl's face appeared on the screen.
"Hilde." Heero's expression didn't change though his eyes narrowed slightly. "Duo hasn't come home yet."
"I know. That's why I called." The girl narrowed her eyes and her expression turned serious. "We have something to talk about."
"What do you want?" The Japanese boy sat down on the chair before the video phone and crossed his arms in front of his chest. "I don't think we have anything to talk about."
"Oh we do." Hilde sneered slightly. "This is about your flawed behavior."
The Japanese boy just raised one eyebrow.
"Stop seducing Duo." Hilde glared. "That isn't right to do. You're both boys!"
"I don't seduce him." Heero answered flatly. "And whatever relationship we have, isn't your business."
"It's my business since I plan to marry him."
The Japanese boy gripped his arms tightly at the reply and didn't say anything.
"Really Yuy. If you want to have sex, you can find another people to satisfy your needs." Hilde continued on. "Don't use Duo as your sex toy."
"You have no right..." Heero gritted his teeth.
"Oh I have all the right!" Hilde cut in. "I disobeyed my comrades in war to help him. I risked my life for him! All for him! And you? What did you do? You've done nothing for him." The girl looked at the Japanese boy disdainfully. "I can offer him a family. I can offer him a normal life with children. I can make him happy. How about you? What can you do for him?" When there was no answer from the Japanese boy, Hilde straightened up and appeared to be satisfied. "You understand now that you don't deserve Duo. Leave him, Yuy. He belongs to me."
Hilde then disconnected the call, leaving the Japanese boy staring blankly at the now black screen. Seconds passed and then turned into minutes, but still the Japanese boy sat, staring at the screen as if he was deep in thought. It was later when his American lover cheerfully announced his arrival that he jerked up and quickly went to greet his lover.
"Heero, there you are." Duo smiled as he shed his working clothes. "I thought you fell asleep in the garden again. Let me take a shower first, kay?" At Heero's nod, Duo walked into the shower. He looked calm but inside he was nervous. Had he not been this nervous, maybe he would have noticed his Japanese lover was paler than usual. But then again, Duo had something more important occupying his mind.
This afternoon, Hilde had kissed him and he surprisingly had kissed back with a vengeance. Hilde's lips felt soft and the way her body pressed against him was very arousing. Duo was panting when they broke the kiss and Hilde then asked him to go on a date with her tomorrow night. The girl walked away without a word, not giving him a chance to decline the proposal. Not that he wanted to decline though. Duo was curious how it felt to date a woman. And added to the fact that Heero and he never had had a date, they just went straight to having sex, Duo was looking forward to meeting Hilde tomorrow night.
Now the only problem was how to break the news to Heero. He felt like he was cheating if he didn't tell Heero where he was going tomorrow night. Not that Heero would care, Duo snorted. Still, Duo liked the Japanese boy enough that he didn't want to lie to Heero. So he decided he would be honest to Heero about his feelings.
Finished showering, Duo entered the bedroom where Heero had been waiting for him. "I have something important to tell you, Heero." Duo sat on the bed and looked at his Japanese lover. "Hilde asked me out this afternoon. She invited me to have a romantic dinner with her tomorrow night." Duo watched Heero tense slightly from where he sat on the chair in front of him.
"Why are you telling me this?" Heero looked straight to Duo.
"Heero, we're lovers, so I'll be honest with you." Duo leaned against his chair. "I feel attracted to Hilde, just like I was attracted to you the first time. She's nice, kind, and so full of energy. I like to chat and to go out with her. However, you're my lover, not her. I don't want to cheat on you. But I..... " Duo bit his lip in hesitation.
"But you want to go with her." Heero continued flatly. His face never betrayed any of the feelings he had.
Duo nodded, keeping his head bowed.
For a long time Heero just looked at his American lover before asking in soft tone. "........ Do you love her, Duo?"
Duo looked up in surprise. "I.... I don't know... I like her as much as I like you...."
"..... Do you plan to stay with me in this house forever?"
The braided boy blinked, not knowing what to say. Duo shook his head slowly. Hell, he'd never even been sure he'd survive the war, he'd never stopped to consider his distant future. "I ..... I never thought about that, Heero."
Something flashed in the Japanese boy's eyes at Duo's answer, but it quickly disappeared. "I think you don't know what you want right now."
"What do you mean?"
"You can't stay with me and go on dating Hilde forever. She won't accept that. You have to choose, Duo. You have to choose what you want to do in the future. Do you want to love her, marry her, and have children, ..... or do you want to live with me; like we have done for these past seven months...."
Duo was stunned. He had never thought that far ahead. To get married , have a wife and his own children..... The sudden realization overwhelmed him. "I.... I need time to think about this..... "
Duo thought hard. This was not an easy decision. This would affect his life entirely. He would need to think carefully about it. "......About a month?"
Something flashed again in the Prussian blue eyes before Heero blinked it away and nodded. "A month it is. You can have freedom with Hilde during that time so you can sort your feelings and make your decision." He stood up and walked away, leaving Duo to think alone in the bedroom.
It wasn't until the door was shut and the footsteps faded that Duo realized how calm Heero was in dealing with the problem. He sighed and plopped down on the bed. He was actually quite disappointed to see how calm Heero was. Somewhere inside him, Duo thought he would see Heero angry and jealous when he told the Japanese boy about Hilde, but Heero showed no emotions except for a slight tensing of his body. "Heero..." Duo whispered. "Always the Perfect Soldier ne....."
1st of August, AC 196
Is that the remaining time I have to be with Duo?
Only a month left, Odin.
I'm not stupid to hope Duo will choose to stay with me over marrying Hilde and having children. I know Duo will choose Hilde at the end of the month. I can see how much happier he is when he is with Hilde. There's no way I'm gonna win over her. Like Hilde has said, I don't deserve him. I can offer him nothing except myself, which of course isn't worth anything. I can't give him satisfaction as a man. I can't give him children.....
I'm worthless .......
Duo is now having dinner with Hilde. He has started sorting out his feelings for her and for me. I just hope he won't go out with Hilde too often during this month. This is the last month I'm able to sleep with him, to kiss him, to see his smile, and to touch him.
Time...... I want more time.
I want to be with Duo a little longer........
At the sound of car engine approaching, the messy haired boy locked the blue diary up in the drawer and walked out of the bedroom.
"Tadaima." Duo bounced up into the house.
"Okaeri." The Japanese boy murmured and followed him into the bedroom. "How is it going?"
"The dinner was superb and we had a good time at the club." Duo purred and stretched on the bed. "All I want now is a good sleep. I have to stock my energy since I promised to take Hilde to Wonderland tomorrow." With that he closed his eyes and promptly fell asleep.
The Japanese boy pulled the blanket up to his American's lover chin and sat down slowly next to him, looking at him longingly. He wouldn't sleep tonight. The time was getting shorter for him and he wouldn't waste it by sleeping if he could watch his lover's face all night.
Because it was all he could do....
After Colony 196
Earth in early September.
"Heero." Duo stood by the door and watched as his Japanese lover straightened from where he was working on the flowers. The messy haired boy wiped away the sweat on his forehead and looked at Duo questioningly. Duo walked forward and stopped a few feet in front of Heero. "I have decided what I want." Duo swallowed and looked straight at the Prussian blue orbs. "I'm going to marry Hilde."
Duo waited. He waited for some reaction from his Japanese lover. Anger, jealousy, sadness, anything that told him what Heero was feeling, but to his disappointment, the Japanese boy only tensed a little and nodded. "When do you want me to move out then?"
Duo was surprised at how calm Heero sounded. People usually would get angry or sad if their lover left them, but not Heero. Heero didn't feel anything. His voice was very steady and if Duo didn't know Heero better he might think that it was a little bit resigned too. Duo shook his head, trying to push his disappointment away. Seven months with him didn't change Heero a bit. "Hilde won't move in here till we're wedded. So you can take your time to move your belongings."
Heero raised an eyebrow. "She doesn't want to sleep with you?"
"I never sleep with her. She is still a virgin and she says only her husband can take it. She's so innocent." Duo smiled wistfully and missed the clenching hands of his Japanese lover.
"Do you want to marry her just because she is a virgin?" Heero asked flatly.
"Of course, not." Duo retorted and then smiled again. "But it's nice to see your wife save herself for you only."
A shadow flashed in the Japanese boy's eyes before he blinked it away. "When will you marry her?"
"30th September." The braided boy suddenly looked uncertain. "Heero, we're still friends after this, aren't we? I like you and I don't want to lose you."
Heero's eyes narrowed slightly, but then he nodded. "Aa...Friends."
Duo smiled and hugged the Japanese boy. "Thank you Heero. This means a lot to me." He then released him. "Do you need help moving?"
Heero shook his head. "I can manage it. I'll move a few days before your wedding day."
"Okay. I'm going to take a shower now." Duo smiled and entered the house.
The Japanese boy just stood there, watching his American lover disappear. He then slowly raised his tight clenched hands and opened them, revealing the bleeding wounds where his nails had sunk into his flesh.
The wounds were the only proof of how the news affected him.
But then.... Duo wouldn't see them. He wouldn't let Duo see them.
4th of September, AC 196
I don't want to leave Duo, Odin. I don't want to.
He is the only one I have. Why.... Why can't I have him?
I want to shout at Duo, to beg him not to leave me. But he looks so happy.
He looks very happy.....
And I'm not the one who makes him happy.
Duo.... Duo..... Duo......
Why can't I be the one who makes you happy, Duo..................