Cross My Heart
The first thing Heero realized when he opened his eyes was a pair of hands were holding his. He blinked for a second, trying to remember what happened to him while turning his head to see the person holding him. A releived heart-shaped face greeted him. "Duo?" Heero croaked in confusion as he noticed the day had turned into night. What the hell was Duo doing here in his room?
"You're awake." Duo murmured and kissed the hand in his grip. "How are you feeling?"
Heero frowned and assessed his condition. His hadn't recovered his strength yet, not even reached 40% and he still felt some parts of his body throb in pain. "Still tired and sore." The Japanese boy felt Duo's grip tighten at his last word. "Duo?"
"Sorry, Heero." Duo clutched Heero's hand tightly. "I'm really sorry. You have every right to hate me for what I've done to you."
"What have you done to me?" Heero was confused.
"That night after the party." Duo swallowed. "I shouldn't have done that. I really shouldn't have done that!"
Noticing the regret on Duo's face, Heero felt his heart throb in pain. Duo really didn't want that night to happen. Was what happened on that night just an influence from the drug? All the caresses, the kisses.... Duo's whispers of love, Duo possessiveness for him ........ it was all because of the drug? So what happened in the cabin last night was only his fever indulged dream then? Heero felt his eyes sting and looked away. The night, that meant everything for him, meant nothing for Duo...... "I understand." He murmured weakly. "You didn't mean .... what you said on that night.... .and .. " Heero swallowed, feeling the pain in his heart increase by ten fold. "......it was the drug that .... made you make love to me..."
"That's not making love!" Duo angry voice startled Heero. The Japanese boy turned his head back to Duo and saw the anger in Duo's violet eyes while the braided boy spat his words. "Don't you ever dare to say that what we did that night was making love, Heero. Never ever! That'll be the first and last time I did that thing to you. I never want to do it again! Do you understand that? That's not a love making!"
"Aa..." Heero felt his throat dry as he nodded. Every word Duo said stabbed Heero straight in his heart. Duo was angry with him. Duo didn't want him. Was he so disgusting that Duo didn't want to think it as making love? Heero felt something fragile inside him break and closed his eyes, turning his head away from Duo's angry glare. Stupid... how stupid he was that he thought a soldier like him was loveable.... This time Heero was unable to prevent his tears from escaping from his closed eyelids.
"Heero?" Duo was startled at Heero's reaction. What had he done wrong this time? "Heero, why are you crying? Did I say something wrong?"
"No." Despite the obvious tears rolling down his cheek, Heero wasn't sobbing. His voice didn't crack though Duo could sense the defeat and pain in that single word. "I understand now. You didn't mean what you said that night.... You didn't .... " Heero swallowed and whispered brokenly. "You didn't make love to me. You only had sex with me..."
"We didn't have sex on that night, damn it!!" Duo wanted to shout loudly if he didn't remember it would wake up the dormitory's resident. What was Heero thinking? How could Heero think that the way he raped and hurt him was a love making or sex. He grabbed Heero's chin, turning the Japanese boy's face to him, and looked straight into Heero's blue eyes that had opened in surprise and hurt. "Listen to me Heero. What I have done to you that night isn't making love and isn't sex either. It's not consensual and I refuse to think of it as sex or a love making. Do you understand?!"
"Aa...aa.." If Heero thought Duo's earlier words were like a knife stabbing in his heart, his current words were slicing his broken heart into pieces. Not consensual.... Was he so unworthy that Duo felt forced and repulsed of the act? He still could hear the words of love Duo whispered to him. He still could feel Duo's touch all over his body. Kamisama, were all Duo's words in the cabin last night just a dream?
It was so cruel....
Heero couldn't take the pain anymore. Getting stomped by a mobile suit might be less painful than what he was feeling right now. He curled up like a baby and hid his face beneath his arm, trembling violently.
"Heero?" Duo was really worried by Heero's reaction. What had he done wrong this time? "Heero, what's wrong?" Heero didn't answered and that made Duo more worried. He leant closer to check the Japanese boy and caught the broken whisper.
"Duo doesn't love me.... it wasn't a love making..... Duo doesn't want me..... it wasn't sex....... "
Duo felt like struck by thousands bolts of lightning as Heero repeated the four sentences over and over. The understanding dawned to him. That night after the party was Heero's first time. Heero thought was love making since he admitted his love during the rape. He had stolen Heero's innocence and yet Heero was still innocent nevertheless. The Japanese boy didn't know it was rape. Shit!!! Duo cursed himself again and again. No wonder Heero acted like this. The Japanese boy thought he denied all what he had done and said to him. Damn it to the hell!!! At this moment, Duo really hated himself most.
"Heero, listen to me." Duo grabbed Heero's hands and pulled them down to reveal Heero's wet face. His heart felt broken at the hurt and pain shown on the beautiful face. He really didn't deserve this angel. All he could do was break his heart..... He had to leave Heero.... but first.... "Heero, listen!" Duo shook Heero a little to gain his attention. "What I did to you at that night after the party was rape, Heero. Do you hear me? I raped you! I RAPED YOU."
Heero's stopped trembling and looked at Duo in confusion. "Rape?"
"Yes, I raped you! I took you without your consent. I forced myself onto you. I made you bleed, I caused you pain, and I cared nothing for your wounds. I'm a bastard!" Duo spat the words and panted slightly. He looked at Heero's surprised blue eyes and caressed the Japanese boy cheeks gently. "Don't ever think that I don't love you." He whispered softly. "I love you Heero. I've loved you from the first time we met. I want you, but not like that. I never ever wanted to hurt you. Never......" Duo closed his eyes and felt a tear rolled down on his cheek. "But I did.... I raped you.... God... I raped the one I love...." Not aware of what he was doing, Duo leant down and captured Heero's slightly opened mouth. He kissed the soft flesh gently, softly, and desperately, pouring all his feelings to one single kiss.
Heero felt his feelings were like a jet coaster at the moment. One second he felt the most tremendous pain and the next second it was replaced by happiness. All because a simple 'I love you.' and a kiss from the one he loved. He cared naught for the others.
He panted slightly when Duo broke the kiss. He felt the American pilot's thumb caressing his lips as if they were the most precious thing in the world. Looking up, Heero saw Duo gazing down at him in regret. "I. Raped. The. Person. I. Love." The braided boy spat bitterly in self hatred and regret.
Heero's mind was short circuiting at the complicated feelings he was having in this short span time. He was happy because Duo loved him and at the same time, he was sad because Duo seemed to blame himself for what happened. His head throbbed in pain as he searched for a way to end all their misery. Kamisama, he just wanted to be with Duo. Why was it so hard? The fifteen year old boy inside him was confused, not knowing what to do. And that's when his soldier side suggested a method.
That wasn't a bad idea. His mind calmed down as he saw the way out of this complicated situation. Heero took a breath and gingerly sat up, flinching slightly as some of his muscles protested the movement. Duo was there in a flash to help him. "Heero, you should rest... "
Heero held up his hand, indicating Duo to stop speaking, and leaned against the headboard. He looked long at Duo, who looked back at him in confusion. "You raped me." Heero stated flatly.
Duo flinched and his shoulders sagged. "Yes. If you want to kill me, just go ahead. I'm destined to be killed by you anyway."
Heero shook his head. "Forget it."
"What?" Duo's eyes bulged out of their sockets.
"Just forget it." Heero waved his hand dismissively. "I never thought of it as rape."
"But it was rape, Heero. It's not something you can dismiss easily." Duo scowled.
"Don't make things more complicated, Duo." Heero tilted his head. "Do you love me?"
Duo sighed in defeat and leaned back against the chair. "Yes, yes, and yes! God, I love you so much. If not I wouldn't be suffering this much!"
"Why did you take Anne as your girlfriend then?"
"That bitch .. " Duo growled. "I saw you and Mario kissing. I was heartbroken and she was there, offering herself as your replacement."
"So you don't love her?"
"Never, I love only you." Duo sighed. "Only you, Heero Yuy."
Heero felt all his pain disappear instantly with those words. "Love me then, Duo. Don't just wallow in your mistakes and ignore me."
"What?" Duo's eyes bulged out again. "You still want me? After what have I done to you?"
Heero scowled. "I told you to forget it. What happened happened, you can't change it. Let's just start anew from here, shall we?"
"But.. I raped you!"
Heero sighed. "You like being complicated, don't you Duo? Look, I don't think of it as rape. I know you weren't yourself at that night and yet I still let you have your way with me. It was painful, yes, but I don't regret it.
"I do." Duo spoke bitterly. "If I was in my right mind, it wasn't supposed to be painful. I hurt you, Heero."
"Show me the proper way then."
"HUH?" Duo's eyes widened for the third time.
"Show me the proper way to make love then." Heero repeated. "Or do you prefer me to ask someone else to show me?"
"No!" Duo shouted without thinking as an image of someone else taking his Heero flashed in his mind.
"Then you do it."
Duo chewed his lower lip. "I.. I don't deserve you...."
Heero closed his eyes and sighed in defeat. "Why is it so hard to forgive yourself? I forgave you for what you did without you knowing it, but you don't want to be forgiven. All that happened to me is not entirely your fault. Anne and Mario had their parts in creating misunderstandings between us. Now that all the misunderstandings are cleared, I just want to be with the person I love and that loves me back. And yet, you won't grant that simple wish to me."
Silence stretched in the room for some minutes. Duo didn't say anything and Heero was trying to keep his emotions at bay. He thought it would be easy to *reset* their relationship but it seemed Duo was a stubborn bastard. So much for getting a hug from the person he loved. Heero was about to ask Duo to leave when a hand cupped his cheek and caressed it gently. Heero's eyes flew open and looked at the braided boy.
Duo was smiling sadly. "You forgive this bastard that easily?"
"Is it so hard to believe?" Heero murmured dejectedly.
Duo didn't answer. He stood up from his chair and sat down next to Heero, gathering the Japanese boy into his arms and lap. "You're happy just with me? You can get a better boy or girl, you know. Like Relena...."
"I don't love them." Heero snorted. He suddenly blushed and hid his face between Duo's shoulder and neck. "I love you..."
Duo chuckled, feeling the weight in his heart lefted for the first time in the week. This was his shy Heero in his arms right now. He would be very stupid to let go of this innocent angel. "I love you too, Hee-chan. Thank you for giving me the second chance to love you." He kissed his beloved's forehead gently and hugged the Japanese boy tighter.
"Love me, Duo." Heero purred and relaxed against Duo. Finally, they could be together again.
Unknown to Heero and Duo, white smoke slipped into the room from beneath door. They fell unconscious seconds after the white smoke entered their nostrils. Five minutes later, Anne stepped into the room, glaring maliciously at the tangled couple in the bed. So this was where Duo had gone. She should have known. She shouldn't have wasted her precious time by waiting for the braided boy to come back to his own room. Yuy bitch, she had managed to get Duo stay with her.
Anne quickly locked the door behind her back and walked toward the unconscious couple. She roughly pushed Yuy away from Duo and checked the braided boy's pocket. When she found the microfilm, she grinned triumphantly and pocketed the microfilm. Then she turned her attention to her rival.
She still had half an hour left before she had to give the microfilm to Ryoko. It was enough time to torture Yuy to her delight. This bitch was the one who had ruined her plans and put her life in danger. Now, she would make the bitch pay for it. Grinning evilly, Anne grabbed Yuy's hair and pulled the unconscious girl down to the floor by her hair. It would hurt like hell when the bitch woke up and she was going to love it.
Anne pulled two handcuffs from her pocket and cuffed Yuy's wrists and ankles. She then put a gag into the girl's mouth. As much as she liked to hear the bitch scream, it wouldn't do her good to wake up entire dormitory. Anyway, looking at the bitch's pain-contorted-face would be a satisfaction for her.
Finished with her preparation, Anne took the ammonia bottle from her pocket, opened it, and waved it under Yuy's nose for some seconds before putting the bottle on the nightstand. Noticing Yuy began to stir, Anne sneered and kicked the Japanese girl hard.
"HMPH!" Heero jerked up in pain as he felt the pain explode in his stomach while his head throbbed loudly. His eyes flew open and saw Anne grinning down on him. What the ...
"Awake, bitch?" Anne sneered. "Because of you, my plan failed. What's so good about you as a gundam pilot? You're weak and stupid. I'm ten times better than you."
Heero frowned, not understanding why Anne was angry with him. He tried to move and realized his ankles and wrists were cuffed. Damn, this wasn't a good situation for him to be in..... He looked at the bed and saw Duo slumped against the headboard. "Dummmph!"
"Trying to call your prince charming for help? Not likely. He's unconscious and won't be awake for several hours." Anne kicked her rival's stomach once again.
Heero doubled over in pain as his stomach received another bruise. His soldier's instinct kicked in. This was an enemy. He had to find a way to eliminate this enemy. He was looking around for some sort of weapon when he felt a foot come down on his head. Anne was laughing above him, one leg pushed down on Heero's head. She held up some two-inche-length needles between her fingers and sneered evilly. "This is an ancient Chinese torture method. Since I'm not allowed to kill you, I'll use these instead. They won't leave any marks on your body, but they'll hurt like hell."
Heero rolled over, evading the needles and bumping against Anne's legs. The spy girl wobbled and bumped against the nightstand. "How dare you!" Anne hissed and pounced on the Japanese pilot. This time Heero had no time to evade completely and three of the needles made their way into the flesh of his forearm. Anne withdrew the needles with lightning speed, causing a burning like sensation on the injured flesh. Heero jerked up and gasped in pain into his gag. However before he managed to finish his gasping, Anne managed to thrust all her five needles into Heero's bottom and pulled them out as fast as she thrust them in.
"HMPPPH!!" Heero's howl was muffled by the gag.
"Hurt eh?" Anne giggled cruelly. "It'll hurt much more when I put them in your breasts."
Heero's eyes widened at Anne's words. But before he could do something, Anne rolled him onto his back and sat down on his stomach, driving the air from him and trapping his cuffed hand under her bottom. "Breast torture, I like that." Anne held up her hands, holding the needles between her fingers. "I guarantee you can't touch your breasts without flinching for some days after I finish with you, slut." And then Anne brought her hand down onto her rival's chest.
"UGGGHHNNN." Heero arched up, lifting his back and Anne as well when his chest exploded in pain.
Anne, on the other hand, was stunned. When her hands touched Yuy's chest, she expected two mounds of flesh but instead, her hands met a flat chest. She looked at where her hands rested in disbelief as the realization struck her. No way... no way.... Yuy was..... Anne roughly grabbed Yuy's gown collar and ripped it down, pulling the needles along with the shredded clothes.
At that moment, Anne heard three different sounds. Her rival's gagged cries, the sound of clothes shredded, and a snarl.
An enraged snarl.
That was all the warning she got and the next second she felt a blow on her head. Anne hadn't had time to yelp when a strong hand caught her neck and lifted her up from where she sat on Yuy. Anne gasped when she came face to face with a pair of blazing violet eyes.
It appeared that when Anne bumped into the nightstand, she knocked the ammonia bottle down onto the bed. It took some time for the smell to reach Duo's nostrils but it did and what those violet eyes saw at the first time they were opened was the pained expression of his mate. That was enough to set Shinigami in charge.
"I told you I wouldn't be kind the next time we met." Duo hissed as he tightened his grip around the spy girl's neck. At the same time, Anne gasped as her body shook violently. She recognized the symptoms. Her eyes widened as she realized she had been in the room longer than thirty minutes. Without mercy or any further delay, her body just melted and then evaporated. The last thing she had in her mind was.....
....... there was no female Gundam pilot......