Confusion of the Heart
"I am home!" Though he was trembling, Duo shouted happily and shoved
off the snow on his shoulders.
"Yo, Quatre, it's really cold out there." Duo felt something was
missing from the perfect scene before him. Quatre was sitting lazily
on the sofa near the fireplace with Trowa next to him. Their backs
were facing him. Wufei occupied another sofa across from Quatre and
Trowa's and was looking at him from the book he was reading. One
person was missing.
"Where's Heero? Is he back from his mission yet?" Duo ran his eyes,
searching for his Japanese companion. At night all of them usually sat
in the living room, sharing stories about their missions and what had
happened through out the day.
"I'm here." Came a reply.
"Huh?" Duo searched the room but can't find the owner of the voice.
Then he saw Quatre pointed at the place in front of him. Duo walked
forward and saw the Japanese pilot was huddling in front of the
fireplace, covered in a blanket. "What are you doing there?"
"I'm cold. "
Duo made a face. It was no fun talking with Heero. Luckily Wufei
helped elaborate. "Well, considering you were riding a motorcycle, on
a snowy day like this, wearing nothing but a tank top and spandex,
it's not surprising for you to be cold, Yuy." Wufei snorted.
So Heero just got back too, Duo mused. "Well, you know Heero is a
superman, Wufei." The braided pilot grinned and plopped down next to
the Japanese pilot, trying to warm himself with the heat from
fireplace. "So what's new today, guys?"
"Well, we have nothing new to report since we stayed at the house all
day, but I think you have something new to tell us, ne Duo?" Quatre
Duo blinked. "Huh? Me? The only news I have is that I finished my
"Yesterday? So what were you doing this afternoon, Maxwell." Wufei
"What do you mean, Wufei?" Duo felt uncomfortable and inched closer to
"Who is *she*, Duo?" Quarte spoke up
"She?" Duo gulped and cursed himself for being careless this morning.
"We know you met a girl this afternoon." Quatre grinned.
Duo bit his lower lip. "Uhm....I'm cold...let me get my sweater,
okay?" The Deathscythe pilot started to stand only to be stopped by
"No, you are not going anywhere, Duo."
"Huh? What do you mean, Trowa?"
"Trowa is right. The room is warm enough. If we let you go to your
room, you will pretend to sleep and won't come back down here." Wufei
smirked. "C'mon, spill it out, Maxwell."
"Yeah Duo, and besides you can ask Heero to share his blanket to warm
you." Quatre smiled.
Duo pouted but plopped back on the rugged floor. He was not lying when
he said he was cold but he knew his friends would not let him go.
Surrendering to his fate, Duo sighed and tugged Heero's blanket.
"Hn." Heero released one side of the blanket and welcomed Duo beside
him. Duo quickly took the blanket and enveloped his cold body; his
left shoulder was pressed against Heero's right one as he moved closer
to the Japanese pilot. Inside, Duo was thankful that Heero didn't join
the others in interrogating him, but he also felt slightly
disappointed for God knows why.
As he felt the warmth Heero was willing to share with him, Duo looked
at his grinning friends. "Okay, what do you want to know?"
"The name?" Quatre smiled.
"Hitoe?" Wufei raised one eyebrow. "Is she Japanese?"
"Yeah, that reminds me. Heero, what does Hitoe mean?"
"You can look it up in a dictionary." Heero stated flatly.
Duo made a face. "You're faster and more efficient than any
dictionary. C'mon, tell me Heero or I will not let you sleep tonight."
"Hitoe means single."
Duo found the name really suited the girl. She looked lonely and Duo
is willing to bet the girl chose her own name.
"What does she look like, Maxwell?" Duo felt Heero tense as Wufei
asked the question and wondered what bothered the Japanese pilot.
"Well, she has shoulder length brown hair, a pointed nose, as well as
a pointed chin, and her eyes, most of all her eyes, they're deep blue,
and very beautiful." Duo smiled, picturing the girl in his mind.
"Whoa, look at you, Duo. You really fell for her, ne?" Quatre spoke.
"Of course Quatre, she's not like the other girls. She's smart,
mature, sweet, modest, and beautiful." Duo smiled proudly.
"In other words Maxwell, she's perfect?" Wufei's question made the
Japanese pilot tense again, but Duo was too happy to notice it.
"You can say that, Wufei. For me, she is perfect." Duo beamed happily.
He couldn't wait to see Hitoe again. Quatre and Wufei continued to ask
him questions until they called it a night.
Duo smiled as he rode to the city. This morning, he had managed to
borrow the motorcycle from Heero. But the Japanese pilot seemed
reluctant to lend the motorcycle to him. Strange. Heero never had any
problems with him before when he asked to borrow his bike. Duo almost
thought Heero was angry with him because after that, Heero went out,
carrying a bag. But Duo dismissed the thought. Heero might have had a
mission to be accomplished.
As he approached the promised place, Duo saw the girl sitting on the
bench. He looked at his watch. 12:45 PM. Duo thought he was early but
the girl was definitely earlier than him.
Duo stopped the bike in front of the girl and took off his helmet.
The girl looked up, she was wearing a pastel blue shirt this time.
"Hi, you're early."
"Well, so are you." Duo grinned and tossed another helmet to the girl.
"I thought you wanted to pick up your jacket?" The girl gestured to
the jacket she held.
"Later, there's something I want to show you." Duo smiled as the girl
hesitated. "I won't bite. I promise you'll like it."
"Very well." The girl put on the helmet and sat down behind Duo. Today
she was wearing blue jeans so it was easy for her to mount the bike.
Duo grinned as the girl put her arms around his waist. "Hold on
tight." He took off, the bike going at a high speed, causing the girl
to grip his waist tightly. Duo smiled as he felt the girl press her
head on his back. Too bad the girl didn't lean the rest of her body on
his back too.
After riding for fifteen minutes, they came upon a lake. Duo stopped
his motorcycle at the edge of the lake and took off his helmet. The
girl followed suit and got off of the bike. She looked at the lake. It
was oval and quite wide. The water was crystal blue, reflecting the
sunlight. The area around the lake was surrounded by trees so if
people didn't look carefully, they would miss the lake.
"You like it?"
The girl nodded and kept her gaze on the lake. "It's beautiful."
Duo looked at the girl. "You're more beautiful though."
The girl looked at Duo, surprised. She turned to the lake and
approached the edge. "I'm not beautiful." Her cheeks were slightly
red, indicating she was blushing. Duo longed to run his hand on those
"Yes, you are. Didn't anyone ever say that to you?" Duo approached the
The girl sat down on the grass near the lake and hugged her legs,
staring at the lake. "No, you're the first one."
"Then trust me, you are really beautiful. I never lie." Duo wanted to
hug the girl but he sat next to her instead.
".....Thank you." The girl put her hands on the grass and rested her
weight on them, looking more relaxed.
"No need, I only state the truth." Duo smiled and followed the girl in
staring at the lake. They sat in silence for some minutes. A
comfortable silence. Duo enjoyed the girl's presence next to him and
slowly his hand moved closer to the girl's hand.
He could feel the girl tense when he touched her hand, but she didn't
pull away when Duo covered her hand with his. Duo released his breath,
which he held unconsciously. They continued sitting in silence,
staring at the lake as Duo caressed the girl's hand. He savored the
feeling of her skin against his.
Duo was still not satisfied for he wanted to feel more of the girl. It
was time to make a drastic move. Duo inched closer and squeezed the
girl's hand. "Hitoe." He said the name tenderly.
The girl turned her head to him and looked squarely at his eyes. Duo
looked back and locked gazes with her. Slowly, very slowly Duo leaned
forward. The girl didn't move. She seemed to be charmed by Duo's
violet eyes. As his face was an inch from the girl's, Duo closed his
eyes, right after he saw her close hers. When his lips finally touched
the girl's lips, Duo felt electricity run down his spine. He couldn't
think of any words that could adequately describe how he felt right
Duo had kissed other girls before but never... he had never felt like
this, he had never felt anything worth mentioning. But with Hitoe,
this feeling he got from kissing her was fabulous. Her lips felt so
soft under his, making Duo want to feel more of them.
He pressed his lips against her lips as his hand sneaked to the girl's
waist to pull her closer to him. Honey, she tasted like honey, a honey
flavored drug he wanted more and more of, he was addicted to the
taste, to her.
Duo ran his tongue on the girl's lower lip and felt her mouth open,
welcoming him home. Gratefully, he pushed his tongue into the girl's
mouth, running it around the moist cavern and tasting her more and
She's really different from the other girls he had kissed. She let Duo
explore her mouth as if it belonged to him and responded shyly with
her tongue as he teased it with his. Duo had never felt anything as
intensely as this. The girl kissed him back, but it wasn't in a
demanding way, rather in a giving one.
But suddenly, the girl broke the kiss and pushed Duo away. Duo blinked
and looked at the girl in confusion and hurt. "Hitoe?"
"I'm sorry Duo.." The girl bowed her head so Duo couldn't see her
"Why are you sorry?" Duo was really confused.
His hand was still around the girl's waist and Duo could feel the girl
tremble when she spoke, "I think we shouldn't meet again."
Duo froze and unconsciously tightened his grip on the girl, not
wanting to let her go. "Why?"
The girl just shook her head.
"Look at me, Hitoe." Duo spoke softly
But the girl refused to look at him. So Duo lifted her chin with his
free hand, looking straight into her blue eyes.
"Do you hate me?"
The girl shook her head.
"Are you angry because I kissed you?"
Again, she shook her head.
"Do you like being with me?"
The girl nodded.
"Do you like my kiss?"
A pause but then the girl nodded while blushing slightly. Duo ran his
hand and caressed the girl's cheek. "So why shouldn't we meet again?"
The girl's mouth opened but then closed.
"I want to be with you, Hitoe." Duo looked at the girl tenderly. "I
think I've fallen in love with you."
Duo smiled as the girl widened her eyes in surprise and leant down to
kiss her lightly. Then he pulled away and stared lovingly at the girl.
"I love you, Hitoe."
The girl looked long at him until Duo began to worry if she had gone
into shock. But then the girl spoke.
"We just met two days ago, how can you fall in love with me in that
amount of time?"
Duo smiled. "Ever hear of 'love at first sight'?"
"You love my face." The girl smiled bitterly.
Duo was taken back by the answer. He never thought the girl would
respond like that. "Well, I admit I was mesmerized by your face, but
that isn't enough As I've spent time with you, getting to know you, I
fell for you, and the more time I'm with you, being with you, I've
fallen deeper for you."
The girl shook her head. " You don't know me, you can't possible know
who I am."
Duo stilled the girl's head and looked at her tenderly. "You are
Hitoe, an independent, kind, smart, gentle, brilliant, and tender
girl, who has captured my heart."
"Brilliant, smart, and independent, maybe. But I am not gentle or
tender, moreover kind." The girl still smiled bitterly.
"Yes, you are." Duo caressed the girl's cheek again. How he loved the
way it felt against his calloused hand. " I saw you with the child at
the park yesterday. You're a kind girl, Hitoe, though you may never
admit that to yourself."
The girl pulled Duo's hand away from her cheek, stopping his caress.
"I am not an innocent angel like you think I am, Duo. I can be anyone,
a rogue, a killer, a wanted person, or even a whore. "
Duo tensed at the word 'whore'. He looked sharply at the girl. "Are
"Are you what you described just now?"
The girl smiled sadly. "Most of them are true."
Duo closed his eyes as the word 'whore' echoed inside his mind. He
couldn't believe the fact that the girl in his arms right now has been
through such a life. Then he heard the girl speak up again.
"It's okay if you don't want to meet me again. I understand
that....." Duo didn't let the girl finish her sentence. He dove in
and sealed the girl's lips with his, preventing her from speaking any
He kissed the girl long and desperately, embracing her tightly as if
wanting to protect her from the evils of the world. Duo buried his
head on the girl's shoulder and nuzzled her neck while murmuring, "I
won't leave you, Hitoe. Never."
"You don't hate me?"
Duo pulled back and stared at the girl. "Why should I?"
"I have done many bad things, Duo."
"So have I." Duo smiled sadly. "Tell me Hitoe, did you like doing
The girl shook her head. "No, I did them because I was ordered to do
Duo gritted his teeth, angry that someone forced the girl to do those
things. "It's okay Hitoe. I won't judge you for what you've done."
"You will feel disgusted and hate me when you know what I have done to
be with you." The girl smiled sadly again.
Duo didn't want to know. The girl had suffered so much already; He
would not let anybody make her suffer anymore. Again, he captured the
girl's lips, plundering inside her mouth desperately as if wanting to
erase the sadness and despair from the girl. The girl let Duo claim
and explore her mouth, responding with her tongue.
Finally out of breath, Duo withdrew and buried his head in the girl's
hair, hugging her tenderly. "I don't care Hitoe. I love you for who
you are, not what you are. I love the person inside this beautiful
body. You can believe me when I say I will never feel disgusted, let
alone hate you."
Sensing the girl not believing him, Duo pulled away and stared
squarely at her. "Hitoe. I love your spirit and your personality, not
your physical body. "
"You can have any girl you want, someone who's beautiful and
well-bred, someone suited to you, Duo. I can't make you happy."
"Don't you understand? I want you. You!" Duo tightened his grip along
the girl's waist, desperate to convince the girl. "And you do make me
happy! I feel whole, like I've finally found my home when I am with
How could he convince the girl that the only one he wanted right now
was her? Her love and her heart? How can he make her believe she was
the one for him and he was the one for her? Duo raised his hand and
caressed the girl's cheek tenderly. "Let me love you, Hitoe."
"..........Will you promise me one thing?" The girl covered Duo's
hand on her cheek with her own.
Duo smiled happily, "Anything!"
"Don't ask about my past or try to investigate my life. If you do
that, I will be gone forever from you." The girl looked at him
Duo nodded; he also couldn't let the girl know about his life as a
gundam pilot so he respected the girl's request. "All right. I won't
"Okay then." The girl smiled, this time not a sad one, but a happy
one. Duo would do almost anything to see that smile again. He was sure
he could never let the girl go. No matter how hard the missions will
be, he will find a way to be together with the girl. Slowly, he
reached inside his shirt.
"Hitoe. If I ever have to leave you for sometime, this will be a
reminder." Duo retrieved a cross necklace inside his shirt and put it
around Hitoe's neck.
"Duo, this..." The girl touched the necklace.
"It was from Sister Helen. The most important thing that belongs to
me, for it reminds me about the people who loved me. I give it to you
as you are the person I love most."
"Yeah, the one I want to spend my life with." Duo pulled the girl onto
his lap and hugged her possessively. They sat like that, enjoying the
scenery before them and the closeness between them, until the day